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My wife and I were at church today, for the first time in couple months (I had no idea how tough it would be to get a toddler and a newborn off to church). Needless to say, we were a good ten minutes late.
It was really nice to be back there. After the service, we caught up with a bunch of our friends that we hadn’t seen in awhile.
Afterwards, when we got into the car, the first thing that my wife said to me was, “Did you notice that Chad is looking really suave these days?” If your mind is like mine, you have multiple thoughts upon hearing something like this:
- Is my wife checking out other men on a regular basis?
- Is she trying to tell me to dress nicer?
- Why was I thinking the same thing?
He was wearing the latest Bieber styles as far as I was concerned. He had a baggy but somehow form-fitting shirt on, with his skinny yet saggy jeans, and his shoes were velvet. His hair was perfectly coiffed. He had a fancy watch on, such that he could stay trendy and punctual at the same time.
I remember thinking wow, he looks like he could fit right into one of Kanye West’s music videos as an extra. I can’t even imagine how much money his outfit must have cost him.
My Immaculate Style
In contrast, I wear a uniform of sorts to church. Usually that uniform is simply an oxford shirt, khaki pants, and brown shoes. I think I look pretty decent, but those shoes are definitely worn out. In the warmer months, I just switch the oxford shift to a short-sleeved polo shirt. Honestly though, I don’t remember the last time that somebody complimented my outfit. I have yet to be accused of being a fashionista.
My wife, on the other hand, enjoys nice clothes and bring stylish. Why she decided to marry me, someone who could care less about how I look, is something that I don’t understand. But, I’m so glad she looked past my apathy towards fashion.
When I return home from church, I quickly change into ratty work-out pants and the world’s most comfortable long-sleeved t-shirt known to man, a reversible Nike basketball shirt that I’ve had for 20 years. However, the world’s most comfortable shirt also has some holes, or I should say many holes. My wife cringes every time she sees me in it. Clearly, I value comfort over aesthetics.
If you saw me out in public, you probably wouldn’t assume that I had much money at all. I drive a peppy VW Jetta. I like to eat at cheap, fast-food type restaurants. Plus, I’m always on Craigslist hunting down the lowest deals.
A Rude Awakening
I’ll never forget a time when I was teaching a financial class on budgeting. Afterwards, a guy wanted me to take a look at his personal budget. We were trying to figure out where he could trim some fat since he was in the negative each month. I was really pushing for him to re-examine his clothing budget. He responded with, “No offense, but I need a clothing budget of at least $500 a month. I could never wear what you wear.”
Admittedly, in the moment, it felt like a gut punch. However, I can’t be too mad at him for being honest.
Stealth Wealth
This is where I sometimes wonder if my stealth wealth somewhat inhibits people from talking to me about money. I live a frugal lifestyle, I don’t always dress nicely, and I don’t drive expensive cars. So why would anyone assume that I am doing well financially?
I wonder if people would view me differently if I drove the latest Tesla, dressed to the nines, and splurged on the latest and greatest gadgets. Would people approach me more about finances?
Truthfully, my wife and I don’t spend much in the areas that people would see day-to-day. Where we like to spend money is on vacations. We love exploring places that we’ve never seen. We just aren’t big on sharing our adventures on social media, so people don’t always know about our travels.
I am a big fan of the stealth wealth movement. Something should be said for humility and modesty. However, at times, I do wonder if it is a double-edged sword with the broader masses.
I think we need balance. No one would guess that I’m a multi-millionaire because my lifestyle doesn’t scream it. I want to represent a frugal lifestyle but one that is still attractive. My wife needs to remind me sometimes to “up my game” when I’m going to meet people. Left to my own I’d wear shorts and T-shirt’s all the time. 🙂
Brad – MaximizeYourMoney recently posted…Is It Time For An Investing Fire Drill?
I’m right there with you Brad!! I would wear gym shorts and t-shirts from high school every day if my wife wouldn’t give me the look 🙂
I had a funny experience the other day with stealth wealth. Being a teacher, I have a lot of friends with children. They know that I will accept and love any hand me down for my own 4 children. Well, recently our school had a donation to the food pantry for needy families and I received a call stating there were left overs that needed to be taken before the long weekend, and I should take some. It was funny because I began to think about the image I must unknowingly portray to those who don’t know me well. I’m still not sure if they thought we needed the food, or I would appreciate the food. However, I know I’m on the right path if people are noticing I don’t waste anything!
Thanks for sharing Amber!!! That’s awesome that they thought of you and that they knew it wouldn’t go to waste in your hands 🙂 Sounds like you got this stealth wealth thing under control 🙂
Thanks for the giggles, Rob. 🙂 I hear you. Though I do try to look my best, I prefer my clothing to be basic and neat. I have a few dress outfits, probably about 7, and none of them cost over $75. Like you, there are much more important things for us to be spending our money on. I love being stealthy wealthy. 🙂
Thanks for sharing Laurie!!! Like you I don’t have flashy outfits but they are nice and fit me well. I don’t think you’ll see me in velvet shoes anytime soon 🙂
Stealth wealth…funny. Our family lives pretty frugally because we are patient. We’ll wait to buy things for years (house, etc) until a rock bottom deal comes along. But after almost 20 years of marriage, it does bring tension…my spouse won’t replace his 20 year old car (that he bought used for a good deal 18 years ago). It’s falling apart cosmetically. He’s mechanically inclined, so he keeps it running. He’s becoming extreme.
Hahahaha…sounds like you all know how to stretch your dollars and if your husband is mechanically inclined I bet he can keep things running for a long time. That’s an awesome skillset to have 🙂
I hear you.
When I’m not at work I’m usually dressed like a bum. Most reasonable people wouldn’t take financial advice from me. Until I explain to them that I look like a bum because I can and I’m not at work because I don’t have to be there. Explaining the power of financial freedom grabs their attention.
Great points!!! I would much rather be a millionaire on the beach wearing board shorts than poor in a power suit on Wall Street 🙂
Maybe if I was looking for a lawyer, CPA or real estate agent, I would look for someone with a smart clean look in clothes, house and transportation. But, it’s a pretty casual world anymore. I don’t think it make too much difference. If it were not for my running shoes, I could get by on a clothes budget of a few hundred bucks a year. Like you, I have a lot of old, but serviceable clothes. I was just admiring my winter coat the other day. It’s Patagonia brand and I remember it cost a lot when I bought it. I have had it for 25 years and still looks pretty good. Tom
Tom @ Dividends Diversify recently posted…O My! Now I’m a Real Estate Guy.
I have a couple of pieces of really nice clothes as well that I have had for years. There are times I wonder with the number of times that I’ve worn them if I’ve ended up paying pennies a day to wear them 🙂
I have no idea how I can get people to think better about me. Never paid any attention to clothes. Comfort first.
Loved reading that article!
I’m right there with you. I definitely prioritize comfort 🙂
I think we probably dress similar, although most of the time when I want to be taken seriously (like at work) I wear a nice pair of jeans and a non iron shirt from Brooks Brothers. The shirts last forever. Some I have worn for over 5 years but look brand new and still get compliments on. Timeless and classic.
For what its worth, I would not take financial advice from someone who dresses like Justin Bieber.
Turning Point Money recently posted…Money, Competition and Marital Role Reversal
Hahhha…very good point. I’m not sure Justin Bieber wannabes are who I need to take financial advice from either 🙂
I totally agree that stealth wealth can be such a disadvantage sometimes.
We like to talk about inner beauty and stealth wealth, but the truth is that people care about superficial aspects in life such as your clothes, your car, and what you eat.
Imagine you are about to sign a one million dollar deal with a businessman and see him dressed in rags and driving a beat up Toyota. I’m sure people would have second thoughts about the financial wealth of his company.
That said, it really depends on what industry you are in. Adapting but staying frugal is not a bad way to live at all.
Ms. Frugal Asian Finance recently posted…5 Things I Wished I Had, But Now I Don’t
Great thing about frugalness is you can buy a nice quality suit that lasts years!
It is a wonderful thing to be able to afford a quality item that is almost like an investment in yourself, even if expensive, because of your overall great money habits !
I heard a funny joke the other day about dressing for the job you want. My boss told me yesterday, “Don’t dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want”. But when I turned up at the office today in Ghostbusters gear, the boss said I was fired.
I feel that it really depends n what you want to do when teaching people finance – what image do you want them to see?
Many money manages do have to look the part, but that is because their clients need to see them as a way to make money and live like they do. The thing is, some of them aren’t even following their own advice and are in debt.
My advice would be check out the signaling theory: https://www.joshuakennon.com/mental-model-signaling-theory/
Decide for yourself what you want to signal 🙂
I think that’s one of the worst parts is that you have to dress for success and that may mean going into debt. If that’s the case I need to make more money or find a different industry 🙂
I am all too familiar with people judging me by my appearance. I once wrote about visiting a grocery store in my business casual work clothes and being treated completely different from when I would wear my graphic t-shirt and jeans.
I practice the complex art of not giving a crap BUT when you are trying to teach people you don’t know that is tricky. I’d probably wear something a little nicer (ie not a woot shirt). In my work setting, I have spoken about personal finance enough where people have started coming to me with questions.
I guess it is the difference between a known commodity and an unknown one.
Budget On A Stick recently posted…If I Had A Million Dollars…
Thanks for sharing Budget on a stick. I think people expect their experts to look a certain way, whether that’s good or bad 🙂
That’s the whole point of stealth wealth. If you were being flashy they’d know you were rich.
Maximum Cents recently posted…Why Are Millennials Saving More?
Hahhahaha…great point!!!
We live in a world where a famous billionaire is known for his hoodies. I wouldn’t sweat it too much. I sit somewhere in the middle. I dress up for work in an overall casual environment because that’s what’s expected of management. But dress up still means ten dollar dress shirts on clearance. I have a newer corvette but most days I drive a ten year old Nissan Versa to work, when it’s not on recall at least. That being said most people know I have a high powered job and can do the math. If they actually pay attention and know who I am then they realize reality.
FullTimeFinance recently posted…Roth 401K Strategy and Tax Laws
Great point Full Time Finance!!! I think if people learn to read between the lines that things start to become clearer. The problem is most people don’t bother trying to read most of the time 🙂
Ouch! That response from the guy trying to budget was a bold and got the response I would never say to someone tryIng to help me. May I ask whether you are in good physical shape? Sometimes, being fit like a rock is all it takes to look good in anything, If the clothes fit.
Besides physical fitness, being approachable is pretty easy if you just smile a lot 🙂
Sam
Hey Sam thanks for stopping by. I feel like I’m in pretty decent shape being 6’0 tall and weighing 180 lbs, although I could probably drop eating cookies for dessert to get down to 175 🙂 I definitely need to work on smiling more though 🙂
VW Jetta for the win!! Why not? 40 MPG on the highway, and a smooth ride!
I’m the same way, if I can wear the same clothes for 5 years straight, then I’m going to!
I had an experience when I went to go kick out my old roommates… one of the guys was like, you didn’t get any big promotions at work or anything, can you afford your house payment? I was still going to be able to save $1,000+ a month… which he didn’t need to know 😉
Erik
Erik @ The Mastermind Within recently posted…Adopt an I Don’t Know Mindset for Personal Growth
VWs are great. As I sit here I’m rocking a Men’s League Softball Championship shirt from 2003. It works great and after all the washes feels even better 🙂
Haha wow, I think people would say the same thing to me. I’m wearing a sweatshirt I got freshman year of high school. My wife cringes when she sees it, but it’s super warm and comfortable! Only a few holes in it…honestly not that in bad shape at all except for the ends of the sleeves.
I think it is kind of tough though to show that you are good with money while maintaining stealth wealth. If your goal is to help people and assist them with budgeting, what would make them think you know what you’re talking about, when by all appearances you don’t even have enough money to buy decent clothes?
No idea….maybe point them to the blog? haha
Dave @ Married with Money recently posted…When It Comes To Money, Just Start Small
Hahhaa…that is one of the best aspects of blogging. Nobody can see your appearance and they can imagine what I look like 🙂
I once read from someone that fashion is looking like everyone else and style is being yourself. Some people put a lot of importance on things like labels, but me personally, I won’t wear a label, even if I find something at a thrift store for cheap. I don’t believe in conformity and advertising a product after you’ve already spent money on it. It doesn’t mean I don’t like to dress nice though. I actually get more compliments from things I get at a thrift store than things off the rack, because I can find much more unique items at a thrift store.
So, I guess what I’m saying, is that it seems like you are dressing to be you and it really isn’t about the money. If you are helping someone with their budget and they are spending a lot on fancy clothes, I would suggest a consignment shop for them. It is more expensive than a thrift store, but you can find some high end clothing, shoes and accessories in great condition, for a fraction of the cost.
Great points Primal Prosperity!!! There are a ton of great finds at Thrift Stores and I don’t think enough people take advantage of it. My wife seems to find amazing pieces every time she goes, sometimes with the tags still on them 🙂
Just last year I got rid of a 15 yr old super comfy sweatshirt with its’ own sets of holes, tears, and mended areas. Mrs. SSC couldn’t stand it and it was a victim of one of my clothing purges. Goodbye ol’ sweatshirt, I still miss you.
I also drive a VW jetta, and traded in a Hyundai Genesis for it. I dress well, even though we can be business casual everyday now. Of course, TX business casual is dark jeans, polo/button up shirt and cowboy boots and you’re fine. I still dress like that, but I also wear nicer shirts. I find sales at men’s wearhouse and get shirts that fit my arms (they’re monkey length) for 75% off or more. Last time I got 2 – $90 shirts for $34 total. 🙂
It still doesn’t amount to more than $500/yr though. I can see both sides of the stealth wealth being a disadvantage argument, so I try to shoot for a nice middle ground.
Mr. SSC recently posted…I’m Getting Pulled up the Corporate Ladder…
Thanks for sharing Mr. SSC!!! I definitely like wearing the business casual everyday as opposed to the suit. I have friends that rock a suit even though they don’t need to. I think it’s helped them in their career but I’m not sure it’s helped as much as they think.
I can’t say I purposely deploy a stealth wealth strategy. I wear what applies to the comfort level I am looking for, the weather conditions, or the circumstances. I admit I am overly casual and if I could live in flip flops, shorts, and t-shirts all year long I would. I think that my clothes selection mostly mirrors the crowd I want to be aligned with. That said, nobody knows my net worth and I doubt they could even come close to guessing, so stealth wealth is passively there. Clothes, cars, where I eat, etc. just reflects the lifestyle I am comfortable with. Nobody has said I need to up my attire game but I have had a comment about my car before. A women sitting outside on the patio at the coffee shop I love to visit said, you really don’t care what people think about you. Nope!
Hhahaha…that’s awesome that you are so confident and that people notice. I’m right there with you in that I’m comfortable with what I wear, although from time to time, I do wonder if I should dress slightly nicer 🙂
If your friends and family know about your website, they will approach you at some point or another; it’s happened to me many times. As far as wardrobe, I have too much and am constantly finding things to donate. I wear the same stuff all the time. And looking at some of the richest people in the world (e.g. Mark Zuckerberg) they wear simple basic clothing.
The more people get to know about finance the more they will realize clothing is depreciable. If it truly makes you happy, well that’s a whole other story. 🙂
SMM recently posted…Simple Robinhood Review
Clothes definitely don’t make me happy. Or I should say the nice clothes don’t. I have some old sweat pants and tshirts that I wouldn’t trade for the world 🙂
Stealth wealth essentially means hiding your wealth. The difference between stealth wealth vs. being frugal vs. being cheap can be subtle. To me, this is an extension of long-term self-denial. As you make more money, you should experience lifestyle inflation. It’s shouldn’t be $ for $ meaning every incremental dollar you make goes towards wardrobe, restaurant meals, etc. but I’ve always felt that you should reward yourself in some way. Otherwise what is the benefit of being wealthy? For some (many), it is the peace of mind in knowing you have resources to tide you over during the bad times. I’m not discounting this but I am saying that if you keep accumulating wealth you need to eventually break open the piggy bank and reward yourself. You can argue about what the conditions need to be where you feel comfortable inflating your lifestyle but many FIRE blogger dismiss this out of hand. They have reached the end-point of their lifestyle upgrades.
I’ve been considering buying a 2018 Lexus LC 500. You can look up the price yourself. They don’t sell many of these cars and I think 2017 was the first model year so not much of a used market. I have two cars now. A 1998 Toyota Camry I inherited from my dad & a 2015 Honda Accord which is I think is cursed (3 accidents in 30 months) and lacks a few safety features that I would like (and would help me avoid future accidents). The Camry runs great so I would make that my everyday car, sell the Honda Crashmobile and have a proper mid-life crisis with the LC 500 on the weekends. I’m a little worried about what my neighbors will think & say when they see me in that car. I’ve thought about renting space in a garage to store it away from prying eyes & wagging tongues but I get a sharp twinge of frugality when I think about paying a monthly fee to park the car. It’s hard to claim stealth wealth when you are driving an LC 500 but if you are lucky/disciplined/old enough to reach a high net worth, you ask yourself do I have enough and if so, what do I do now?
Wow I just looked up the LC 500 and that’s a really nice car. I wouldn’t mind have that as my mid-life crisis car either 🙂 If you can afford it and you’ll enjoy it, it sounds like a really fun toy to get 🙂 You’ll have to share when you buy it and if you decide to rent a space away from your neighbors 🙂
If you watch the Super Bowl on Sunday, I read Lexus will be sponsoring commercials featuring the LC 500 as part of a cross-promotion with Marvel Studios. The Black Panther owns a tricked out LC 500 in the upcoming film.
Oh I can’t wait…I’ll keep my eyes peeled 🙂
I guess it really depends on the environment.
For example, at work I admit that I groom up more and appear more “fashionable” with my nails and hair done, etc etc. I personally feel that people take me more seriously and I won’t lie, it gives me more confidence. Not to mention, I notice people at work are willing to talk/listen to you more when you appear a certain way. It just makes things easier, at least for me.
But when it’s the weekend/evenings (or times when I’m not going out for a friend’s birthday dinner), I’d throw on a comfortable top with some loose sweat pants and just head out without caring at all how I look. I would literally look like a bum on these days haha…
At the end of the day, everyone is and has a different view. Look at Steve Jobs when he used to turtle necks to do a speech… as long as you’re comfortable and happy the way you are, there’s nothing wrong with it 🙂
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I’m right there with you!!! I need to find some fashionable comfy clothes. I think that will go a long way 🙂
I can understand that. I mean I don’t post what our net worth is on our blog and I only post the amount of debt. However, if I did post our net worth, which isn’t 2 commas, but is well into the six figures, I sometimes think I would have more gravitas. At the same time, I wonder (and I have had experienced this) that I would get crapped upon for bragging. Tough dilemma.
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I’m right there with you. Next week I have a guest post going up and it’ll be interesting to see what people end up saying 🙂
Ouchy well that’s darn rude of him to say! I don’t see anything wrong with stealth wealth even if I’m called the queen bum. Who cares!
I never second thought of posting our net worth on our blog. Because it’s the internet! I really couldn’t be in 5 figures of debt and talk about personal responsibility. I thought to share your net worth came with the job…or I think it should 🙂 even if it’s vague and biannual etc.
Hahaha…I haven’t shared my net worth yet…but I think I’ll be doing it soon 🙂
I’ve learned to love being stealthy. Those that judge you by your appearance might not be the ones you could get through to anyway.
That’s a great point Amy!!! If someone writes you off by the way that you look, they’re probably not worth it anyway.
The feelings you are expressing in this post are another form of Keeping-Up-With-The-Joneses Syndrome, in my opinion.
Who cares what other people think as long as you are happy? If wearing ratty clothes makes you happy, keep doing it. And whoop-de-doo to people who think otherwise.
This sense of ignoring social cues is what I find most people have trouble abandoning when they join the FIRE movement. We are conditioned constantly to want more. Whether that be due to marketing or natural biological drive. Pursuing FIRE definitely requires going against the crowd. It takes constant practice.
I definitely agree that the FIRE crowd is not the cool crowd in society today. I would love to see that be the case although I have a feeling I’ll be waiting a long time for that to happen 🙂
I’m very pro Stealth wealth, but I agree it can lead to people judging you as struggling financially, hence not respecting your opinion financially.
Not sure what the ideal is, make Millionaire next door compulsory reading in schools (although I do find it sexist….)
Ms ZiYou recently posted…Feminism and Money …. are they compatible?
I’m right there with you. I’d love to see kids read about that and see what real millionaires actually look like 🙂
I once had some friends over, and one of them told me, “I could never live in a house without stainless steel appliances!”. I don’t really care as long as the white appliances work. Am I really missing out by having the trendy color in appliances? I don’t think so!
Hahaha…I’m right there with you!!! Who cares as long as the appliances work 🙂
Haha funny story.
I used to be all about brands. Now i really couldnt care less and try to buy shirts that arent branded. Cheaper and more unique.
Shoes are the only thing that i like a brands for. reebok or under armour generally….
Id rather look normal and have a mil vs look like a mil and have a hundred?
Cheers and shared
Rob
Rob @ Passivecanadianincome recently posted…Loans for Investing?
I love the line!!! I am definitely going to have to share that…I’d rather look normal with a mil than a mil with a hundred 🙂