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I just ended my paternity leave. It was wonderful getting to know our newest addition and assisting my wife in anyway that I could. Our toddler is sweet but also very rambunctious. In order to help out Mrs. MSM, I spent the majority of my time off with our two-year-old, which was awesome.
He would start each day by waking up at 7am on the dot (not by choice). Our morning routine began by reading through his favorite books. Then, we’d move downstairs for breakfast. Eventually, we’d end up outside on the playground or basketball court. I loved spending all that quality time with him. Although, I don’t know who was more exhausted at the end of the day, he or I.
Outside Help
I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention some additional outside help I received in caring for our toddler during my paternity leave. On Mondays and Fridays, my parents usually helped out a bit. On Wednesdays, my father-in-law stopped by for a couple hours. Finally, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, a close family friend came by to play with our toddler. Are we spoiled or what?
Of course, sometimes our family had to cancel, so it wasn’t like we truly had help every single day. However, we were thankful for any and all help that we received. My wife was especially thankful. For those of you who have gone through the sleepless zombie phase with a newborn, you know what I am talking about. Any type of relief is welcome, especially during the first few months.
An Exciting Opportunity
While I was on paternity leave, I thought a lot about the possibility of living overseas for a few years. In a previous blogpost, I wrote about this opportunity. Both my wife and I are excited about the possibility.
My wife loves the idea of free housing so that we can save up even more money for the future. On top of that, we could expose our children to different cultures and customs. We would also be able to travel cheaply around surrounding countries. All these aspects make the thought of living abroad that much more appealing.
Leaving Our Family & Friends
Over lunch one day with my sister, she shared her thoughts on potentially living overseas. She asked me if we were really prepared to lose all the support that we currently have at home. It would leave my wife with basically no breaks at all during the day, unless we hired help, of course.
Admittedly, that gave me some pause.
We love being so close to family. Not just because of help, but because we enjoy their company and having our kids know them so well. I was always very close with my grandparents as I spent a lot of time with them growing up. I still remember the sleepovers and all the fun that I had with them over the years.
On top of that, my wife and I have built up a great community of friends through our church. We also love the worship and preaching there. Additionally, I am starting to see some real traction with the Reaching FIRE course that I recently created.
My Future Pension
Making the decision even harder is that financially, moving overseas will greatly increase the amount of money that I receive from my future pension.
If I spend five years overseas, I can retire at the age of 50 with a pension that will reach 40%. However, if I stay here in the states, I will not be able to retire until I’m 57, with a pension at 33%. That means that I have to work 7 more years for 7% less on my pension. Crazy, right?
A Hard Choice
As you can see, staying stateside could cost me more than $1 million when it comes to my retirement, if I live until 80 years old.
While I could probably retire a lot sooner, with the unknown of healthcare in the future plus a guaranteed pension, it seems like a lot of money to be leaving on the table.
It’s a tough decision when faced with the opportunity to do something totally different at 50 instead of having to work an additional 7 years. On the flipside, we would have to spend 5 years away from family, with little to no visits (unless they came out to visit us). FaceTime and Skype are great, but it’s just not the same as being together.
I definitely understand wanting to be close to family. I have been living overseas in China now for 3 years and have one year left on the contract. I would suggest looking into 3 or less years, as 4 seems to be dragging on. However, living overseas is an excellent opportunity for your kids to learn another language which will give them a huge leg up on the competition later in life.
On the money side, you save so much it really is crazy. We currently don’t need to pay for auto insurance, cars, housing, home insurance, plus getting 20% extra in hazard pay for living overseas. The travel is definitely a huge part of the benefit too. We travel as much time as possible with my available vacation and my wife travels even more. She took about an extra 2 months of vacation this year than I did.
Justin @ Atypical Life recently posted…4 Vital Personal Finance Lessons Learned From Apple’s Latest iPhone X Release
Thanks for sharing Justin!!! You definitely make it sound really appealing. Plus being able to save so much and travel. My wife I’m sure would love to travel an extra two months of vacation this year. I would love to go somewhere warm that we normally wouldn’t visit 🙂
1. A fantastic, unique, once-in-a-lifetime, worldly experience for your kids.
2. A cool 1m extra in retirement income
3. Seven (7!) years of extra retirement time (when those five years away will look like what they are: a wise investment).
This is easy to say from the outside, but I think this is a no-brainer. Yes—It means five years away from friends and family. But nothing softens the blow like a decade of additional retirement and 1m dollars…
Thanks for sharing Joe!!! On paper it’s definitely a no brainer in my opinion. I know what my head is telling me…just need to get my heart lined up 🙂
I loved living abroad but after 10 months was ready to come back to the states. I suppose with kids that pull would be even stronger. If, however, you are serious about it and can swing it, then it is worth trying.
Thanks for sharing DDD!!! I would love the experience for a little bit. But I definitely wonder about spending five years overseas 🙂
The choices we have to make are never really that simple when considering all the factors.
Good luck in choosing the path that is best for your family!
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Thanks Wes!!! We will definitely be in prayer about the opportunities in the future 🙂
I’m glad you could get help from family. My in-laws also helped out when I gave birth. They came all the way from China to help us take care of our baby, so we were really grateful.
I think you can try living overseas in the summer or any time of the year for one month or so to see if you like it. Test the water before you take the plunge hehe.
I definitely wouldn’t mind testing it out for a little bit. Although admittedly I don’t know exactly how that works out 🙂
It would be a great opportunity. It would be financially rewarding. Your children would also get exposure to culture that is not available here. The family issue makes it a hard move with the new baby. It would not be forever and your family would only be a few hours away by plane. This is a nice problem to have. Good luck and pray on it.
Thanks Dave!!! I definitely am praying through this one. I’m hoping He’ll open up the right doors and close the ones that I’m not suppose to go through 🙂
Depending on location I’d relocate internationally in a heart beat. Be come close several times but it’s never worked out. The cultural immersion would be with any added hassles. After all a good baby sitter can be found over time.
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Thanks for sharing Full Time Finance!!! The immersion in the culture is definitely hard to beat. Seems like a no brainer based on what everyone is saying 🙂
I live close to family, so it’s tough to say if I could move overseas. I really like Minnesota…
Another great post, thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Thanks for stopping by Erik!!! Glad to hear from you, I definitely know you know the allure of staying close to family 🙂
It’s a different situation, but I passed on an 18 month assignment that would have had me traveling and staying in a new country 6 out of every 8 weeks. I was single and in my mid 20’s but I didn’t want to sacrifice the time with my friends and family and potential new friends, like girlfriends. I have very few things I would change about my life even if I could, but that is one I look back on as a mistake. I think the experience of seeing and living in multiple different countries would have been extremely rewarding and educational now looking back 30 years. So MSM, think hard about it. I know there will be sacrifices as you mention. Try to think beyond the moment and project how you will feel in 20 or 30 years about the decision. There was poem by Robert Frost I had to memorize in grade school that sums it up. I didn’t understand it back then, but do now. “Two roads diverge in a yellow woods, and sorry I can not travel both…” Tom
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Thanks for sharing Tom!!! I really need to think about the long term view. I hadn’t previously thought of the miss opportunity 30 years from now. Thanks for bringing that perspective 🙂
I can certainly understand why this would give you pause being away from family. However, it isn’t like this is forever. Yes, five years is a long-time, but it would set up your family much quicker and that is, IMO, the most important thing. Also, your extended family can visit. Heck they might like the adventure. I would say go for it. P.S. Can we talk about your position b/c I want to join you ;)>
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Yeah feel free to shoot me an email. Happy to talk about some of the opportunities that I have 🙂
It really is an enormous decision. When we decided to live abroad, our kids were little (3 and 1), but we didn’t have family that lived anywhere near us. It made the decision a LOT easier.
The good thing is that when you are living abroad among other expats, no one has family living close to help them, so you get really close to other families that are similar to your own and really help each other out.
The opportunity to travel is amazing, as is the ability to save.
So, yes, I would do it. I already have, but would do it again in a heartbeat!
Thanks for sharing Kathryn!!! When the opportunity gets closer I am definitely going to have to pick your brain 🙂 It definitely feels like a huge decision at this point…
You can justify any decision – go overseas, don’t go overseas.
Five years will go by incredibly fast whether you are stateside or not. And honestly, you don’t know what opportunities might arise in the U.S. over the coming years that could accelerate your time and money to FI/RE here. So it’s hard to really compare.
Take the money out of the decision (I know that might be difficult), if you would jump at the opportunity to live overseas for 5 years without the change in income would you do it?
Personally, I wouldn’t but that doesn’t really matter for you. 😉 Good luck with your decision, Rob.
Thanks for sharing Amy!!! I will definitely take the money decision out because you’re right you never know what opportunities may open up in the future 🙂
As the kids start going to school it is not as much work parenting them in terms of direct supervision. Leave a 2 year old alone for 2 minutes and s/he can drown in a pool. Parents leave their 8 year olds at school for 7 hours a day and feel more comfortable not having them within eyesight.
I don’t know about the country you will move to but if the children are toddlers, you may be able to afford child-care or an au pair.
During the summers you can send the kids back to the US to stay with grandparents.
If I were in your position, I would wait until the kids were old enough to appreciate living in a foreign country. Plus that reduces the parenting responsibilities on your wife.
Thanks for sharing Dan!!! Those are some great words of wisdom. I definitely wouldn’t mind going when the kiddos can really appreciate it. Although sometimes you gotta take the opportunities when they arise 🙂 We’ll see what happens in the future.
From a financial standpoint, it is pretty obvious. Plus, as you said, exposing your family to other cultures is great. But as you know, the one variable piece in this equation is your family. That, I cannot help you with unfortunately. It just depends how much you, your wife, and children enjoy having them close by and if you are willing to move away for a period of time. If you are okay with it, then this decision seems to be even more of a no-brainer!
Best of luck and I’m looking forward to seeing what you choose.
Bert
It’s definitely a tough decision especially since we are very close to our family. We’ll see what happens in the future 🙂