How Important Is Living Near Family?



I think most people dream about what they will do during retirement.  I know I certainly catch myself daydreaming about the possibilities.  With FIRE just around the corner for us, I can’t help but ponder about where we should live.


My wife and I grew up in the same neighborhood.  For those that don’t know, we grew up seven houses from each other but didn’t meet each other until we were adults.  I actually proposed to my wife on a trail right behind the house that she grew up in.  


Both of us from time to time have joked around about moving back into our old neighborhood.  While the nostalgia is definitely there, that neighborhood is aging rapidly.  Moving back there would probably be very unwise financially.  Our parents also no longer live there, although they are still in the general area.  My wife and I currently live about 10-20 minutes from both of our parents and siblings.  


While we enjoy being close to our families, the DC area is an extremely expensive place to live.  It’s ranked as the 5th most expensive place to live in the US, and it’s not getting any cheaper any time soon.  


My wife and I have considered leaving the area, mainly because we’d like more land and some privacy.  Ideally, we would look out our window and not see what our neighbor was watching on TV.  Of course, there are homes in our area with land and privacy.  However, the cost of buying a house with all of our criteria would roughly be double the value of our current home.  Needless to say, we’d need to move a little farther out to get all our desires met.


Proximity to Family

With that said, if we were to move from the area, we would be leaving behind all of our family.  Usually, we see both of our families weekly.  We like that our kiddo gets a lot of time with his grandparents as well.  


The typical American lives 18 miles from their mother according to the New York Times.  Researchers choose to study the distance from the mother specifically as women typically live 5% longer than men.  The article also states that 80% of people live within a couple hour’s drive from their parents.  


I actually have a friend from college that literally bought the house next to his parents.  When I asked him why he chose to do that, he said, “My parents brought me into this world, and I’m going to see them out.”  


Benefits of Proximity

The data suggests that the US is made up of close-knit families, often times with members of multiple generations depending on each another for financial and home-care support.  With an aging baby boomer population and a growing number of two-income families with childcare needs, the studies confirm that this trend will continue. 


Here are some interesting stats:

  • 37% of adults have never left their hometown.  
  • 63% of adults have moved homes at least once in their lives.  
  • 57% of people have never lived outside the state that they were born.
  • Only 15% of people have lived in four or more states.


When I started to write this article, my wife said most people are not like us in terms of enjoying the close proximity to family.  She knows quite a few people who live away from their families and enjoy the distance.  According to Pew research, my wife is correct.  40% of adults desire to live someplace other than their hometown where their extended family is located.



The average ownership of a single-family home according to NAHB (National Association of Homebuilders) is 13 years.  So on average, we can assume that adult couples own an average of five homes in a lifetime.


Coincidentally, I lived in my childhood home for 13 years before my parents moved and I went to college.  I am actually coming up on the 13th anniversary of the home that I bought right after college.  Guess it’s time to move soon!


Currently, we do not have a mortgage, and if I have it my way, I would love to remain mortgage-less when we move.  Although, I’m not sure how realistic that would be.  It would mostly depend on location.


Weighing the Pros and Cons

Running through the numbers, it appears that I would probably need to work an additional five years to live in a home that could comfortably meet our desires while also providing enough space for our growing family.


So the tradeoff for us is, do I delay retirement by five years to stay close to family, or do we move somewhere more affordable so that I can start my retirement earlier?  I think I am leaning towards delayed retirement so that we can stay close to our family.  It’s only five extra years, right?


What do you think readers?  Has anyone delayed retirement to stay closer to family?  Or are you trying to move away from family?  Share your thoughts below.

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  1. I live near my and my husbands family, in an expensive part of the country too. It’s not DC-level expensive but I live in CT, which is known for expensive housing and high taxes. Even though I might need to work longer I wouldn’t choose to move away. My kids are older and I wouldn’t want them to leave school. Most importantly my family were the ones that supported my family when my husband almost died-they took care of the house, of the kids, basically everything until the immediate crisis had passed. If not for them I would never have finished my MBA and wouldn’t have been able to be with my husband while he was in the coma and then in rehab. So I feel I need to stay to help care for them when the time comes.
    Liz@ChiefMomOfficer recently posted…Women: Be Proud of Being the BreadwinnerMy Profile

    • Thanks for sharing Liz!!! I have heard that CT is crazy expensive.

      I can definitely see why you wouldn’t want to leave your family with kids still in school and especially after all that you have been through.

      Thanks for sharing your perspective!!!

  2. Wow, that’s a tough one. Especially if you have kids, being close to family is a big help. We live close to my family and about 3 hours away from my inlaws. If I didn’t have a great job that I love right now, we’d move in a heartbeat. Well, at least we would talk about it more seriously. Actually pulling the trigger is another thing. For us, we would love a little more space between us and our families, and would also like to experiences different areas of the country.
    Go Finance Yourself! recently posted…How to Become a Millionaire: It’s easier than you thinkMy Profile

    • Thanks for sharing!!!

      While it’s fun for my wife and I to talk about moving. I have a hard time believing that we would actually do it.

      Although traveling the world and having a home base close to an airport would be tempting 🙂

  3. That’s a difficult question. For us it’s quite tough. We live in the Netherlands, my family lives in another European country, my wife’s family is in China. This means we see them not too often, plus many of our holidays are fixed in terms of where to go. Also annual travel expenses are quite high for us. Reaching FIRE would be a huge advantage in terms of how much time can we spend with them, plus be there for them more in case of any problem.
    Roadrunner recently posted…Dividend SnowballMy Profile

    • Thanks for stopping by Roadrunner. Your family definitely sounds spread out and I can see how FIRE could definitely help in terms of spending more time with your family.

      I have to remember how lucky I am at times to live so close to family.

      Thank for sharing!!!

  4. Ramona and I left California last year to move to Georgia to reduce our cost of living. Most of her family lives in California so we were leaving her family, whereas my family lives all over the world (Thailand, Germany). We wanted to be able for her to stay home when we started having kids (which has now happened!). We may eventually moved back West but I’m not sure we will move back to Southern California, it’s too expensive.
    CoupleofCents recently posted…How Giving Will Increase Your Net WorthMy Profile

    • Thanks for sharing!!!

      Sounds like you all really thought through this and made the best decision for your soon to be family.

      While I can understand the tug to go back to California, those prices are pretty difficult to swallow.

      Thanks for sharing!!!

  5. My wife and I live pretty far from our parents right now. Her’s are a 4-hour drive away and mine are an 8-hour drive or an hour and a half flight. We’ve definitely discussed moving closer to them and what we would do when they start to need help.

    It’s a very tough decision to make. There are so many different factors to weigh and they are all completely dependent on individual preferences and priorities.

    Good luck with the decision!
    Matt @ Optimize Your Life recently posted…You Have More Money Than You ThinkMy Profile

    • Thanks for sharing Matt!!!

      I can definitely understand the tough decision that you all are discussing. My parents and my wife’s father stayed close to family all their lives and it’s been wonderful having grandparents live so close all my life.

      Thanks for sharing!!!

  6. This is something I think about all the time. My goal for financial independence involves moving to Thailand. That would put me very, very far away from all my family. Family is an extremely important thing for me. When I lived there for two years, it really put a gap between me and family, as much as I tried to keep in touch. We are lucky to live in an age where we can video chat with people across the world. For me, financial independence is more than a decade away, so there really is no telling what I’ll be thinking about by then. Hopefully I can live out my dreams of retiring in Thailand while also being able to see my family often. Great post.

    • Thanks for stopping by and sharing!!! I definitely agree with technology moving as quickly as it is that what would have been unthinkable 10 years ago is such common place now.

      My son likes to Facetime with his grandma and we live right down the street from her.

      I am excited for the future, especially if they get the hyperloop to work. I can’t imagine how fast travel could be 🙂

  7. I was just pondering this today as I shovel and blow snow for about the 5th consecutive day. Both my wife’s and my family are born and raised in this area but I can’t help daydreaming about a warmer year round climate! It does keep much of the riff raff out though. One positive thing about it. Plus it is affordable living.
    Mr Defined Sight recently posted…What to Expect When You’re Miscarrying…..AgainMy Profile

    • Thanks for sharing Mr. Defined Sight!!!

      My wife has the same dream. She wants to be somewhere she can swim year round.

      I wouldn’t mind that either 🙂

      Good luck with the snow!!!

  8. I’m very nomadic at heart, and I have lived in seven different states in 20 years since I graduated college. I still plan to keep moving around but I always come back to where family is at. That is very important to me.

    My suggestion to you is to get your freedom first, then look at your options. Maybe you can retire, then rent out your current house for a year, and try living/renting somewhere with more land and privacy. Then you can try it out and see if you miss family and city life and if you enjoy all the work that comes with more land.

    Also, you can always go back to work down the road.
    Primal Prosperity recently posted…From the Sunday “Scaries” to the Sunday SolacesMy Profile

    • Thanks for sharing Primal. Seven states in 20 years. That’s awesome. I have to admit I’ve never lived outside of Virginia 🙂 but that doesn’t stop me from fantasizing about somewhere warmer.

      Thanks for the awesome perspective!!!

  9. Those are interesting statistics. It would also be interesting to know how many people have never traveled outside of their home state. I vote for staying close to family even if it means working longer. I remember visiting my Grandparents every weekend we could (they lived 45 minutes away) while growing up. And I will never regret that time we spent with them.

    • Thanks for sharing Kelsey!!! I definitely have fond memories of sleeping over at my grandparents when I was growing up and they too lived only about 20 minutes away.

      I’m leaning towards staying close and being able to share that with my son.

      Thanks for stopping by!!!

  10. This is something that I think about very often being that I am obsessed about FIRE but also live in NYC, where both my parents and my wife’s parents live. I’ve often daydreamed about moving to a lower cost of living area but being close to family is important. As for you, I think the 5 extra years is fine because why make the sacrifice unless you despise your job. For me…I haven’t done a in-depth calculation but if I stay in the NYC area, I might as well stay until I can get my full pension at age 55. It might be possible to hit FIRE in my late 40s to 50 but at that point, I might be tempted to go 5 more years because there’s such a significant penalty for leaving early. (Oh and age 55 is almost 20 years away!) In any case, while I love family, it can be tiring going to visit both sets of family on the weekends with the kiddos in tow. =) It leaves very little time to do other things since Mon to Fri are workdays. I would imagine it gets even harder if you have kids in activities where you may have to arrange your time around that. And once again, while I love my parents, I’m not sure I can do what your friend did with the house next door. I know for a fact my life would be very similar to “Everybody Loves Raymond.”

    Time and flexibility is the allure of FIRE for me. And as for space, yea we crave that too. We live in a co-op and the downstairs neighbor has complained of noise…it’s tough to stop a toddler from running and jumping, right?
    Andrew@LivingRichCheaply recently posted…The Secret Recipe to an Extremely Early RetirementMy Profile

    • Thanks for sharing Andrew. I can definitely understand the Everybody Loves Raymond scenario 🙂

      We have been really lucky that our parents are really respectful of our space. But I have heard some friends where their weekends are spent entertaining their parents.

      I’m with you though, working a couple of extra years to reach my ultimate goals will definitely be worth it.

  11. I moved away from home, but only 3 hours away. So my mom is probably a bit further away than the average. Since I quit my job we have been thinking of moving somewhere cheaper, but being near family and friends has been a big factor in keeping us here. Some of my old friends have been moving back to my hometown. There is a bonus to going back to a place where you have relationships that go back over a decade.
    On the other hand, going back to your hometown isn’t always ideal. We could move somewhere cheaper, or even someplace with better amenities. It’s a tough call, which is why we are staying put for now 🙂
    Mr Crazy Kicks recently posted…Cheap Travel: Costa Rica After the RainMy Profile

    • Thanks for the interesting analysis that you’ve done.

      I was talking to a friend the other day and they were sharing they’d love to move back to the area due to the nostalgia. But when they think about all the less than ideal things that quickly wears off.

      Good luck in your decision and I’m sure it’ll be the right one for you 🙂

  12. I live very far away from my family. My sister lives in Texas, and my parents live on a completely different continent, but only for half of the year. For the other they live in Texas near my sister. I think I’ve always liked living further away from family than most. My wife’s parents are about 20-30 minutes away. I think there are times when she wishes she lived a bit further away from her family.

    I’m not sure what we’ll do when we’re both FIRE’d. I used to be pretty nomadic but now that we have a home I think I’d rather just stay where we are. A big part of it, though, might come down to COL in the future… we live in the Bay Area.
    SomeRandomGuyOnline recently posted…Biggest Investing Challenge?My Profile

    • Thanks Mr. RIP. When I started out writing the article I was definitely against working another five years.

      I think I’ve softened a bit but when it gets closer, I’ll re-evaluate.

      Thanks for sharing!!!

  13. Interesting to see how many people deal with this, reading all the comments. We too live in the Netherlands, but all our close relatives are living here as well. Being such a small country, most are never really far away.
    So as long as we stay in NL we probably never face this ‘problem’. We both like the idea of leaving to work outside the NL one day, but will always have the thought of coming home, close to family.
    Divnomics recently posted…Dividend & Portfolio update – November 2016My Profile

    • I’ve never been to the NL but I have it on our bucket list of places to visit so I don’t know why you’d ever want to leave 🙂

      Thanks for sharing your perspective and for stopping by!!!

  14. Right now I live in NJ (another expensive locale) where I’ve spent most of my adulthood. I was almost ready to move to FL when I met my wife, but she is set on staying near her family–we live about 15 miles from my mother-in-law, and about 2 miles from my sister-in-law. I’m glad to have them nearby, but I just wish my adult children lived closer to me.

    As for your choice, I imagine there are some in-between options like living close but not as close to your family. If there’s not a reasonable compromise, I would consider working the extra years in order to stay in the vicinity. Having grandparents around for your child is priceless, not to mention you never know when something might happen where either your parents need your local support, or you need theirs.
    Gary @ Super Saving Tips recently posted…How I Bought Affordable Glasses Online at Zenni OpticalMy Profile

    • Thanks for the awesome advice Gary!!! I definitely remember growing up close with my grandparents and that was due to the proximity of where they lived.

      I think it probably makes sense to stay close and have that flexibility.

      Thanks for sharing!!!

  15. Great post. I live two states away from my family, so I’m a little different than some people here haha. My sister and her husband live within 10 miles from my mom and it works great for everyone.

    My mom comes over and watches my nephew every day so they can go to work without going through the headache of hiring a babysitter. So it saves them a ton of money and my mom loves watching the cute little guy 🙂
    Andrew recently posted…How To Become More Confident Like Harvey SpecterMy Profile

    • Thanks for sharing Andrew. My sister does something similar. Between the two grandmas that are local. She always has someone that can watch her daughter when she has business appointments. Works out really well 🙂

  16. Have you considered Maryland? Prices are cheaper than DC, but you could still be about an hour away (without rush hour traffic, but if you’re FIRE, you can plan around it).

    I moved to MD from NJ, so my family is about 3.5-4 hours away. Due to property taxes, my mom chose to move to Florida, because what’s to stop my siblings from also moving somewhere else in the country? At some point you have to do what’s best for you. We’ve got cars & planes to get us home for visits. I understand it’s a big adjustment….(been there!).
    I’m hoping to get to a lower cost of living area when I get to FI. I already have friends who visit me < 1x a year and I live 4 hours away (and near the coolness of DC!)…it's a lot of me seeing them when I'm up for a family visit or holiday. Some are wonderful about being sure to make time when I am up. Some of the limitations to travel include: weekend work of 1 or the other spouse, a multitude of pets, bad back (4hrs in the car would be very painful), small children (who are getting older so maybe next year?). So what's the difference if I drive up for Christmas week from MD, or like mom does from FL? If I'm FI I can spend more time, and slow visit like my grandparents used to do.
    I did make the decision to be driving/close flying distance. I looked at a job in Texas once and ruled it out due to travel. I still miss out on family parties sometimes (like this year). It's the week before Christmas and I don't have the patience to do the drive 2x that close together. I also won't go up for Sunday events that start at 2 pm (a cousin's kid's christening for example). By 2 pm I need to be getting in the car & heading back. But we also have cousins in Florida who miss out on these events too, so I'm not the only delinquent. 🙂
    My dad even looked at moving to Florida a few years ago & over Thanksgiving hinted he & my stepmom might end up moving sometime in the next 5-10 years. Warmer, and less taxes sounds pretty good this time of year. 🙂
    Best of Luck with your decision.

    • Thanks for sharing Jacq.

      My wife have definitely explored moving out to cheaper areas and moving a little bit further out from the city is definitely a thought

      If we ever did move it’d probably be somewhere like Florida. My wife loves warm weather and being close to the beach sounds amazing me to me.

      Thanks for sharing you and your family’s experience!!!

  17. Like you, we are in the DC metro area (MoCo MD) and housing costs are pretty darn high. Our kids are older and should (hopefully) be out on their own in a few years, so who knows where they will end up! My parents and sister are within an hour drive, so that will be a factor to consider once we retire.

    However, I’ve lived in this area my entire life so I really want to explore the rest of the country. The cost of living is just too high here, so we are fairly certain that we will settle down in a different part of the country once we are done roaming.

    So not trying to get away from family, but with all that free time and hopefully some travel miles, coming back ‘home’ shouldn’t be too difficult.
    Mr. Need2Save recently posted…Want Something New? Sell Something Old!My Profile

    • Hahaha…I totally understand Mr. Need2Save!!! I have been in Fairfax County all my life. I wouldn’t mind some different scenery from time and a whole lot less traffic 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing!!!

  18. I think this depends on so many factors, but then again it only matters what YOUR personal situation is. For my wife and me I would definitely consider moving if it was for my wife’s career. She’s getting her masters in counseling and if she has an opportunity to get her phd I’d be willing to move. Long-term I think we’d both love to be where we are at (Minneapolis-St. Paul). There’s just so many companies and opportunities here, and it really is a great place to live (both our families are in the metro area as well). Now if we lived in a smaller city that didn’t have many opportunities, I think that would be a big motivator for us to move away.
    DC @ Young Adult Money recently posted…How to Pay Taxes for Side Hustles and Extra IncomeMy Profile

    • Thanks for sharing DC!!! You sound incredibly supportive of your wife’s education pursuit, which is awesome!!!!

      I think for me it’s definitely hard to move away from a place where family is, especially when it’s close to a city with job opportunities.

      Thanks for sharing your perspective!!!

  19. This is something that’s on my mind completely and totally the opposite perspective: should we move closer to our family? We have always lived far away from family (currently 1,593 miles and as far as 6,745 miles when we lived in Shanghai). I was SHOCKED when I saw that statistic about the majority living within 18 miles of their mothers.

    The older my kids are (oldest is now 8 and youngest is 3), the more we feel that we have missed out on our family being a big part of lives. Kids grow SO fast and their personalities change and grow throughout time. It’s hard when your family isn’t involved in the day-to-day or week-to-week moments (accomplishments and struggles both) that bring people closer together. You likely have a lot more opportunities than you realize by having family that can watch the baby so you can relax and simply be there to support you when challenges come up.

    I don’t think 5 years is that long honestly when you have kids. For someone without kids, probably a given to do what it takes to achieve FIRE as soon as possible, but life with kids is a totally different story.

    • Thanks for sharing your perspective Kathryn. I think in the grand scheme of things five years while creating those memories for my kids will definitely be worth it.

      Although, traversing around the globe also sounds fun to me 🙂

      Thanks for sharing!!!

  20. It’s something I wonder when I consider places to move to. It’s not the top priority, but it’s definitely something that I think about. I don’t mind being a short flight or long drive away from my family, but a cross country (and certainly international) flight might be too much for me. I don’t want something like finances to be a barrier between spending time with family or not…and if I were to say, move to Europe, or Asia, it would definitely be a financial barrier for frequent holiday visits.
    TJ recently posted…November 2016 Expense UpdateMy Profile

    • Thanks for sharing TJ. I think since I grew up close to my grandparents that I too would want to install that in my son.

      Also think about how much fun it would be to traverse the various continents with him as well.

      So while there’s tradeoffs, I am definitely leaning towards family 🙂

  21. I played musical houses in different cities for school, then ended up (by choice) back in my hometown. My mom moved back a few years later, and it’s perfect. She’s less than 10 minutes away, but my sister’s about 10 minutes past her house from us in a straight line. Since my sister has kids and we don’t, there are no unannounced visits at our house. We’re close enough to go to family dinners once a week and help out whenever needed, but not so close we’re claustrophobic.
    I can’t imagine having the house next door to them.
    ChooseBetterLife recently posted…Perfectly Imperfect: The Gifts Of ImperfectionMy Profile

    • Thanks for sharing ChooseBetterLife. Sounds like coming back has really been a blessing for you and your family but have enough privacy due to the distance. Thanks for stopping by and sharing!!

  22. Its an interesting dilemma! We live a half hour drive from my wife’s parents, and half a world from my parents (Africa… so literally). There are definitely downsides to living so far- and we can tell that they are seriously contemplating moving closer now that grandkids are in the picture. One thing that has made it easier is this earth shrinking technology called the internet. You also value time together much more when you live so far apart. Of course, it doesn’t sound like you’re contemplating moving half a world away, so it wouldn’t be so extreme. If you do move, just make sure that you’re intentional about seeing everyone periodically!
    Daniel Palmer recently posted…Budgeting Is The Foundation Of Your FinancesMy Profile

    • Thanks Daniel!!! I think that’s really great advice about being intentional about seeing everyone periodically. Even living so close to my family I sometimes forget to be intentional about seeing them. Thanks for the great reminder!!!

  23. This is a really interesting topic. I have actually been dealing with the same dilemma for 6 or 7 years now. I have chosen to stay close to home but I often wonder if it was the right choice. Lately I’ve been thinking about how I can leave and bring my family with me. So far I have nothing.

    • I definitely understand John. It’s hard enough planning for your own life let alone trying to bring extended family with you somewhere. Good luck as you continue your journey 🙂

  24. This has really been on my mind lately. For one, I feel the pull of going home because I have been in my current position for 11 years and I miss my friends and family. My wife is also an only child and her parents are getting older. However, a few things hold us back. First, my job is not something I can just pick up and get another one. I have built a career and reputation and that is hard to give up. Second, because of some medical issues we need to stick around here for another year or so. Finally, our student loan debt makes it a bit untenable to move. If we were to move it would probably mean a demotion for me and a bit more instability, but the older I get the more I am thinking about doing it. You might have just inspired a new blog post.

    • Thanks Jason for stopping by!!! Always glad to spur on creative thoughts.

      Sounds like it’s something that has been rolling around in your head for awhile.

      Hopefully by next year it becomes more evident for you!!!

      Thanks for sharing!!!

  25. Oh, this is a tough decision! We’re planning to move next summer, most likely further from all the family. This will be a temporary move (probably 2-3 years), then we hope to move back closer to family. Currently we live 3-4 hours’ drive from all our parents and siblings, and 20 minutes apart sounds wonderful. We’ll never be that close to all our families, since none of them live near each other. So we will have to choose between relatives. Good luck making your decision…
    Mrs. COD recently posted…Running In SnowMy Profile

    • Thanks for sharing your perspective Mrs. COD!!!

      I know that we are incredibly fortunate to live so close to family. This morning my son and I ran over to my parents house and my sister and brother in law were hanging out with their brand new baby (he was born on Monday) and their two year old daughter.

      It was a blast seeing everyone on what was a seemingly random Friday.

      Anyway I am definitely leaning towards staying close after moments like that 🙂

  26. In my case, it’s quite the opposite. I am actually on an accelerated pace to reach FIRE because my in-laws live with me. I get free babysitting and dinner is on the table when I come home from work. Yes, there are a few issues here and there, but we are all adults and we can work things out. Personally, I sometimes felt that I am being pampered when a lot of the house chores are done for me.
    Leo T. Ly @ isaved5k recently posted…Part 1: How To Improve Your Financial HealthMy Profile

    • Wow that sounds awesome Leo!!! Sounds like you have created a rather nice environment for yourself and in-laws which is equally beneficial.

      Thanks as always for sharing!!!

  27. While neither my or my husband’s parents leave in cheap areas of the country, they do both live in cheaper areas than we currently do, so moving would likely advance our retirement timeline, not extend it. Our goal when we achieve FIRE is to move closer to my mother – which would also cut the distance to my husbands parents by more than 50%. Having family nearby would be so beneficial for our kids and we love spending time with our parents.

    Thanks for sharing!! Really enjoyed reading as always.
    Chelsea @ Mama Fish Saves recently posted…Our Worst “Investment” To Date: Our HomeMy Profile

    • Thanks for sharing Chelsea!!! My family live in an expensive part of the country but we are all close. So we all feel the pain of high housing costs 🙂 It’s definitely nice having family to help out with the kiddos 🙂

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